Top 5 George W. Bush Jokes

1. George Bush in Hell

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the door to the first room. In it was former President Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon kept diving in and surfacing gasping for air, then immediately diving back into the water again over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was British Prime Minister Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No way! I've got this problem with my shoulder. It would be constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The devil opened the third door. In it, George saw former President Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for awhile and finally said, "Yeah I could handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . "Monica you're free to go..."

2. The Bicycle Repairman

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

3. George Bush Cattle Trade

Air Force One has just landed in Washington. President George W. Bush just got back from his ranch in Crawford, Texas. As the exit ramp is wheeled up, the President appears with feed sacks in his arms. The Marine on the ground awaits President Bush, who is going down the steps. The Marine salutes Mr. Bush.

Bush says, "Pardon me, sir, but my hands are full. I can't respond to your salute."

"Yes Sir! I see your feed sacks, Sir!" replies the Marine. "Those sacks contain food for your cattle."

"Now just a minute," says Bush. "These are no ordinary cattle. These are genuine Grade A Texas Longhorns."

"Yes Sir! Longhorns Sir!" says the Marine.

"I have three of them," Bush explains. "One of these is for Laura. The other two are for Jenna and Barbara."

The Marine answers, "Yes Sir! A superb trade Sir!"

4. George Bush Wants a Quickie

George Bush and Dick Cheney were at a fancy Washington restaurant...
The waitress approaches their table to take their order. She is young and very attractive. She asks Cheney what he wants, and he replies: "I'll have the heart-healthy salad."
"Very good, sir," she replies, and turning to Bush she asks, "And what do you want, Mr President?"
Bush answers: "How about a quickie?" Taken aback, the waitress slaps him and says: "I'm shocked and disappointed in you. I thought you were bringing in a new administration that was committed to high principles and morality. I'm sorry I voted for you."
With that, the waitress departed in a huff. Cheney leans over to Bush, and says: "Mr President, I believe that's pronounced quiche."

5. The Golden Urinal

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal! That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.
"Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!" Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."